Nealey's Mythbusting Series

Question: Oh Nealey, thou art wise beyond your years, do you think you could take out a kangaroo if you happened to encounter one on the streets of Sydney?

Thank you for your question dedicated reader.

Answer: The average Red Kangaroo hopping about Australia is the largest and most commonly seen. Derived from the Aboriginal word gangurru these kangaroos can weigh up to nearly 200lbs and reach up to 6'6", which is taller than former president and abolitionist Abraham Lincoln (my friend's avidly proclaimed favorite el presidente) seen here:
woops sorry that's a tomato. But I bet you didn't know that when you type Abe Lincoln into google images this is what you get. Maybe he liked tomatoes, they are healthy. And this one has a lovely pigmentation.

Abe Lincoln seen here:
So if you do see Abe Lincoln or a Red Kangaroo (not actually red) make sure you recognize the size comparison and then probably in both cases, run away quickly.

Yes, Kangaroos are cute in that 'disembowel you with one kick' sort of way but they are more of a mystery than anything else. Below are the reasons why I think kangaroos are just like Leonardo DiCaprio:
1. you want to see them because you think they're cool, but then when you do see them they irritate you and you want to shoot them.
2. their meat is both lean and gamey, much like venison.
3. although they wreak havoc on your life/farm you would still like to keep one as a pet
4. they both had a brief stint on Growing Pains
5. both were raised in a pouch and encouraged to suckle teat until the age of 2

The family of macropodidae meaning 'large foot' is clear when confronted with one of these giant deer-like rabbit beasts.

When in full stride these roos can get up to 40 mph, that's nuts.

Although people are now starting to think "don't get near those man, I heard they kick like a bitch" a kangaroo very rarely attacks a person unprovoked. However, in 1934 a man trying to save his dogs from a scuffle was killed, but I'm not sure what part of a kangaroo and dog fight this man saw himself succeeding in but whatever.
Kangaroos often box among themselves:

but never humans:

for obvious reasons.

So, to conclude, no if I were confronted with a kangaroo in the streets of Sydney I don't think I would be able to take it out. I would take a picture though. And then try to touch it. And then I would slip it an Ambien and run back to my apartment and grab my harpoon gun and shoot it right in the middle of the street. Then I would sell it to a local tribe of natives for its skin and meat. And I would cut off the foot and use it as a souvenir and a back scratcher. The balls I would hang from my rearview mirror, and they will be my 'something borrowed' when I get married.

Kangaroo 'harvesting' (hunting) is very common here as they run rampant much like deer and can very easily overpopulate. However, no kangaroos were harmed in the writing of this blog.

I hope I've answered your question.